How To Be Assertive WITHOUT Being Aggressive

Have you ever noticed how the standard advice about being assertive feels... incomplete?

Like there's a gap between what the traditional leadership advice tells you to do, and what actually happens when you try it?

Well, here's what I am noticing as I coach dozens of brilliant women navigating corporate spaces:

The "assertiveness paradox" is real 😅

Speak up too softly? You're overlooked.

But speak up too strongly? You're overstepping (Especially as a black woman - but that’s an email for another day 👀)

Stay quiet? They assume you agree, or that you’re not even there.

But push back and share your thoughts? The room temperature changes, and you’re seen as “aggressive.”

This is the exact paradox that many of us women face every day, resulting in many of us constantly remaining silent instead of speaking up.

And although so many of us are aware of it, here’s what so many of us AREN’T aware of:

Despite what you may think, that hesitation to speak up isn't always a confidence issue…

It's not always a skill gap…

And it's certainly not a character flaw…

It's your wisdom speaking. Your lived experience whispering. Your intuition knowing exactly what's at stake.

Because let’s be honest, you've seen what happens when:

• The "just lean in" advice backfires

• The "fake it till you make it" strategy falls flat

• The "copy successful behaviours" suggestion creates more problems than it solves

But what if...

What if true assertiveness isn't about being more aggressive…

But it's about being more aligned?

Aligned with your values.

Aligned with your vision.

Aligned with your natural authority.

Because your power doesn't need to shout to be heard or to push to make an impact.

The real shift happens when you:

• Trust your quiet knowing

• Honour your natural strengths

• Speak from presence, not pressure

So the next time you feel that familiar tension between speaking up and staying safe...

Take a breath. Let this always be your starting point.

Ground in your truth.

And let your voice rise from that centred place within you.

Because your assertiveness doesn't need fixing…

It just needs permission to be grounded.

Where have you seen the “assertive paradox” show up in your own life?

Would love to hear your perspective on this (I read every reply) ✨

P.S. If you have any questions related to this, feel free to reach out 😁